Yoda said, "Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate..."
A data analysis from the Baltimore Longitudinal Study of Aging: a 50-year long study of over 2,000 individuals, found that men and women who were less likely to become angry or anxious, were better informed and disciplined, lived longer...
Anger is a bodily reaction to fear - an adrenaline rush. It often happens before you have a chance to think. When someone insults you, or whacks you with a bag on the bus, or points a gun at you and demands your wallet, you feel hot, possibly lightheaded, you feel almost ill when anger floods you. You might object, "Why does everyone keep saying that fear causes anger? I don't fear a guy on the bus who whacks me with his backpack, or some idiot who insults me!" Sure you fear, you just don't realize it. You could be afraid to tell the guy on the bus off, and rightly so. I tried it once, and it led to a vicious stream of insults from that guy, so I had to get up and move to the other end of the bus. Some people have been assaulted and even shot for less. Same goes for an idiot who insulted you - you never know just how strung out he is inside and a slightest thing may take him over the edge. Even a simple thing like your roommate leaving his stubble in the sink after shaving causes fear: You fear to say something, because he might get overly emotional and might stop paying rent or break something of yours, or cause you misery on purpose in various passive-resistant ways, like leaving the sink even dirtier, or leaving the toilet seat up. And you fear that if you say nothing he'll do it again and again and again. Usually you do say nothing, until he does do it again and again, and then you blow up, and all the other fears come to pass, because your roommate now thinks your are a bitch from hell and deserve everything coming to you.
When the intensity of anger reaches a certain point or lasts long enough, it changes to hate - a more permanent emotion. An example: A friend of mine - a perfectly sweet older, but not old enough to retire, gentleman, who wouldn't hurt a fly, has been unemployed for a long time and is terrified of having no income and becoming homeless. He went back to college, like myself, as a part of Worker Retraining program. As his fears of not being able to get employment grew, so did his anger: every time he went into a store and encountered a foreign person as a clerk he grumbled, "Every job is taken by a damn foreigner! What is the government thinking of! They need to deport all the foreigners and never let any more in!" Over time of a few months his anger grew to hatred of all the women wearing long dresses and head coverings. He blows up now every time he sees such a woman, which is pretty much every day, "Why should these people come here if they aren't going to bother to change their stupid ways! Some tribes' religions say 'go around naked', so should we let people walk around the streets naked, too!" Now he is likely to be automatically rude to any clerk wearing a head cover.
As more and more people in this man's position start developing anger and hatred, and as more and more such people lose their homes, the hatred grows, until it reaches the proportions leading to uncontrollable violence, especially when people feel that they lost everything and have nothing to lose anymore. Ordinary people are now objectified and the angry mob doesn't see individuals anymore, but sees only the 'damn foreigners' or the 'damn Jews'. That's how the disasters happen such as the mass exterminations during World War II. Germany was in a depression then, and Hitler and his party provided promises of economic recovery, that German people grabbed onto like onto a straw. The Nazis told the people, "See, we are doing what should have been done long ago: Ethnic Cleansing - cleaning out all that foreign rubbish, so the Germans can have jobs again!" And the people, tired of poverty, fear, hunger and years of struggle, nodded in agreement. But then, for some reason, Hitler decided to Ethnically Cleanse the rest of Europe and attacked a whole bunch of countries. German people did nothing, they followed Hitler.
Anger is always extremely judgmental and ill-informed. An angry person wants to believe whatever justifies staying angry. Becoming more objective and better informed would result in the reduction of anger. That's why the mob leaders and the political dictators hide many truths from people. Most Germans during the Second World War claimed ignorance of the existence of the concentration camps.
If you are one of the unfortunates plagued by many seething angers and frustrations I suggest, starting one at a time, becoming better informed of each situation of the object of your anger. And to fight fire with fire try fighting your anger with bravery. Just think of it: if fear causes anger, being brave should diminish it. For example: Say you are angered by a woman in a long dress and head cover. Gather your courage and ask her politely to tell you her personal story of how she ended up in the US. It could be that her story will make you want to hug her and cry. But it is also possible, that she was a spoiled brat, and then moved to the US to live with her aunt, and hearing that may make your anger want to flair up again. Dig deeper then, ask her for more details about her life. Maybe her aunt is very mean and forces her to wear the old-fashioned dress, which the girl dislikes. Maybe she misses her country so much, she cries every night. Maybe she is not free to marry a boy she loves. It is, however, possible that she is perfectly happy, and gets free education and food stamps, and had help in getting a job at Goodwill store, and you now feel like strangling her more than ever. Perhaps you already assumed that that's what she'd tell you, and you figured there's no point asking her. I still suggest you do: becoming better informed can not hurt, and even if the woman's story confirms your worst scenario, it is still worth it to try. The courage you'd have to master, and the patience to listen to her, those things alone would already help with the anger.
Then there is a more rational form of hatred directed at a specific individual. Suppose your boss is a jerk, and you keep looking for another job, but can't find one, and you're stuck with this jerk of a boss until the hell freezes over. Or you could have a very nasty coworker, or a nasty landlord, or you're taking care of your old mother, who is demanding, unreasonable and abusive. Such situations are much harder, I agree. Even when you did try to get to know that person, he or she just brushed you off. Those people believe that they are right and you are wrong, and that's that. Being stuck in a situation like this is terribly unhealthy for you, and I definitely recommend searching for alternatives. But in the mean while the only thing that could be helpful to you is humor. Try to see humor in the situation, as if you were watching a comedy. If you could laugh at a villain in a movie like Gold Member, you should be able to do the same in real life.
No comments:
Post a Comment